For Once, I agree with the Dairy Industry - It's High Time for Some Good Old Fashioned Truth in Advertising!

Did you hear the latest?

The National Milk Producers Federation (NMPF) objects to the "misappropriation of dairy terminology." Specifically, the organization is taking issue with the word "milk" being used to describe products made of soy and other non-dairy products. (Source)

As Jerry Kozak, president and CEO of the NMPF, put it: "The FDA has allowed the meaning of 'milk' to be watered down to the point that many products that use the term have never seen the inside of a barn."

He added: "You don't got milk if it comes from a hemp plant, you can't say cheese if it's made from rice, and faux yogurt can't be made from soy and still be called yogurt."

Since Mr. Kozak is apparently so concerned with Truth in Advertising, then he should be willing to act accordingly when it comes to dairy products. We all know that honesty is the very foundation of the dairy industry. Right? I mean, the whole racket - er, uh, business - is built on integrity. Isn't it?

In keeping with this noble tradition of truthfulness in the dairy biz, I have a few suggestions of my own.

First of all, I propose that every carton of milk should say, in big letters:

"THIS MILK CONTAINS LITTLE PIECES OF VEAL, BECAUSE EVERY COW THAT GIVES MILK IS FORCED TO REMAIN IN A CONSTANT STATE OF PREGNANCY, THEN HER BABIES ARE TORN AWAY FROM HER AND TURNED INTO VEAL."

While they're reforming their products to adhere to Truth in Advertising, how about each block of cheese gets slapped with a label in giant red print that says: "EVERY BLOCK OF CHEESE THAT IS MADE COMES FROM A COW THAT IS MERCILESSLY EXPLOITED HER ENTIRE LIFE (WHICH IS CUT SHORT BY ABOUT 20 YEARS AS A RESULT OF THIS PROCESS) AND WHEN SHE CAN NO LONGER GIVE MILK, SHE IS LED TO A BUILDING AND MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD. ENJOY YOUR CHEESE!"

Oh, and that yogurt? Yep. We have to label that, too, if Truth in Advertising is such a big concern of the milk industry.

Do you want honesty, Mr. Kozak? OK, pal, you asked for it. Every container of yogurt should have a BLINKING NEON SIGN (powered by a watch battery) attached to the side that says, in flashy colored letters: "THE COW THAT GAVE THE MILK TO MAKE THIS YOGURT WILL EVENTUALLY BE HUNG UPSIDE DOWN AND HAVE HER MAIN ARTERY SLASHED OPEN (IF SHE LIVES LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE IT TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE) AND THEN SHE'LL BE TURNED INTO MEAT (and other animal products) AND THE WHOLE PROCESS WILL GENERATE ENORMOUS AMOUNTS OF POLLUTION AND TOXIC WASTE THAT WILL LIKELY MAKE ITS WAY INTO THE PUBLIC WATER SUPPLY DUE TO CORRUPT POLITICIANS BACKED BY THE FACTORY FARM LOBBY WHO REFUSE TO ENACT DECENT ENVIRONMENTAL LAWS TO PROTECT ORDINARY PEOPLE. BY THE WAY, THIS YOGURT IS FRUIT AT THE BOTTOM."

I agree with you, Mr. Kozak. Honesty truly is the best policy.